If I were to ask you, what is that one thing that will make you happy, what answer comes to mind? It’s usually the basics, love, money, peace, kindness, prosperity, and good health. We chase after it a lot and, in many ways, till we tire and don’t understand why things aren’t working in our favour.
I heard this phrase, maybe you would’ve heard it too, ‘what you resist, persists’ and it speaks about our reality and the need to accept and allow that transformation to happen. When we’re stuck in a reality or mind frame that needs to be changed and we resist that change, we’re stuck in a cycle. We experience the same things over and over, maybe in the same scenario or different scenarios. We don’t see that change because we resist change. We resist the reality that is keeping us stuck.
The good part is that subconsciously we know that we are resisting something but somehow fear tends to keep us stuck. Fear of uncertainty or fear of taking a risk keeps us stuck. We give in to our fears and resist the need to make the changes that can allow us to grow.
Even in the realm of manifestation or the law of attraction, when we resist our wants and keep playing the same story we attract more of that story and not want we want. In a way, we are resisting what we truly desire. Whether it’s a relationship a career or anything under the sun. It is important to pause and ask yourself ‘What am I really resisting? What is really holding me back?’
For me, I always resist putting myself first. I feel guilty when I ask for space, attention, or even love. I resist my own needs and that keeps me in a cycle. I give in too easily due to fear of loss or uncertainty and I’m stuck in a loop.
When I give in what I’m really telling the universe is this, ‘I’m okay with what I’m receiving right now because I don’t fully believe in what I’m asking, I don’t fully have faith in my own desires, and wants, I’m okay with this treatment because I know that this is the best I can get, I’m okay to settle.’
When this realization came to me, it hit me hard! I felt disappointed in myself and I also realized that I have to stop feeling guilty about not being open to receiving. Whether it was love, freedom, money, fame, health, friendships. The key step then was to ask myself, ‘Why am I resisting it?’ It opened a Pandora's box but that awareness made me feel so good. I knew what I needed to work on then. I knew what needed my focus and direction.
There can be a lot of fear when it comes to standing up for yourself and letting go of the things and people who don’t really give you what you want. But somewhere you hold on because you resist what you are capable of achieving. Letting go can be a painful experience and it requires a lot of self-control and compassion but once you allow yourself to be ready to let go, you are back on the track that can give you what you really want.
When I work with people on this, especially when it comes to love, I’ve noticed that a lot of resistance comes from the confusion between acceptance and letting go. The battle between what is okay to accept and what is okay to not. And that’s understandable. I have been there when I was confused between what I was accepting and what I was letting go of. My fears were certainly a good place to start, both in accepting them and letting them go.
I paused to look at my fears from a fresh perspective and anything that only amplified the fear, I let it go. Whatever made me feel closed down, I let it go. It was a constant dialogue that I would have with myself. Whatever fear that I was resisting to accept I started accepting it by simply saying, ‘Yes, I acknowledge and accept this fear and I’m ready to let it go.’ By doing this I realized that fear was my resistance to change and go after what I really wanted. Where I was settling and what wasn’t okay with me.
I have always felt that having a constant check-in with myself and asking myself what am I really resisting and why even if feels daunting in the moment can really help me refocus and realign with how I would like to show up in my life for myself. There’s always a choice that we have, continue the pattern or stop and change it.
So, is it really possible to not resist and fully embrace and accept? In my opinion, yes of course. Maybe it may not always be the way we’re hoping and how we’re hoping but yes, we can always challenge what we’re resisting and make the changes compassionately.
What helps is that almost always we know we’re resisting and we often know that we need to work on ourselves but somehow, we don’t know where to start. I guess a good place to start is to ask ourselves, what is not going in alignment with your vision and goals. What is still making you feel uncomfortable to ask for? What feels like you’ve settled?
It takes a little bit of clarity and work to understand this concept fully. But once you do understand it, then you show up for yourself more and more consistently.
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