You are finding your way – 6 points that can offer comfort when feeling overwhelmed with not knowing
I always experienced this feeling of anxiety anytime I was met with uncertainty, of not being able to know or predict the likely outcome and scenario. I often felt not only lost but also felt a lack of confidence in myself. Not just at work but even in life, actually mostly in life, I had gotten very used to the idea that I had to have all the answers right now.
If I didn’t have them ‘right now’ I would feel very uncomfortable and irritable. I’d find myself lost in thoughts even when I was trying to rest. Say I’m watching a movie, instead of paying attention to the movie, I would be lost in thoughts in trying to get the answers to whatever it is that’s unknown to me. I would also get very annoyed at people and would withdraw. I would often notice that my movements would become fast and one could assume that I was angry or annoyed.
For someone who can get worried easily and as someone who has been more inclined toward problem solving, not being able to solve a problem would cause a lot of nervousness in me. It affected my confidence, self-esteem and would often trigger my fear of the future. Since not knowing would also affect my ability to take decisions it would also cause a lot of decision fatigue.
It’s impossible to know everything all the time, it’s a fact, I’m well aware of. But when smaller things become unknown, they could disrupt the flow of everyday and, it can feel very uncomfortable.
I always seek refuge in meditation and journaling anytime my mind is racing and I feel utterly helpless. I often feel a sense of comfort but also feel reassured and hopeful because I get a little bit of clarity. Even if the answer doesn’t necessarily solve my problem, it often gives me the next important step to take.
I think a lot of our confusion about life comes from the influence of our past experiences, especially the times and moments where we would’ve experienced failure or felt ashamed. Could be due to harsh criticism and really unpleasant consequences. So, each time, we feel we’re walking into the unknown our bodies react in a fight, flight or freeze response and our mind connects to the previously experienced fear and this combination makes everything feel very out of control.
In an attempt to not make a mistake (like we did that time, remember? God, that was so embarrassing and we made ourselves look like fools, how stupid could we get?) so as to avoid shame and failure, we try to move faster, which gives our bodies a false sense of control, in a way it feels safe. The mind though is very anxious since it’s looking for answers and tries to focus on being perfect, constantly refers to, that last time (remember that incident? Gosh, if only we could’ve been extra cautious and prepared), so it jumps to conclusions and impulsive decisions.
In reality, there are obviously a lot of things we don’t know and can’t always stay prepared for. It’s almost impossible to avoid mistakes and have it all laid out neatly. You can’t know things in advance all the time as they can only be based on your assumptions, on the knowledge and experience that you gather, the beliefs that your mind has made up and so on. These are usually not facts but influence us nonetheless.
As a hsp, I worry, I overthink, I try to avoid situations where I might experience shame and failure and my mind is always making up assumptions regarding the worst-case scenario about everything that is not known to me. I’ve come to realize that this pattern not only drains my energy but also makes me feel less confident and very unhappy and that’s a feeling I don’t really like.
With the help of meditation and journaling I’ve tried to break this pattern by keeping certain things in mind that usually help me come back to my present and not get swept away. It also helps my impulsiveness and my tendency to worry incessantly.
It’s okay to not know – I think one of the most important facts that I wish had learned sooner was this, “It’s okay to not know”. While I realize that knowing gives time to prepare and for an introvert and a HSP, preparation is a crucial tool, for the sake of less stress, worry and anxiety, being okay with not knowing has given me the space to feel calm. Instead of trying to figure it all out all at once, I’m okay with staying in the dark a little bit and allowing things to unfold. This gives me an opportunity to also understand my fears and gives me time to work on my limiting beliefs with ease.
Let your intuition guide you – When trying to find my way, in the unknown, where I feel lost and I’m not sure which way to go, of course relying on my intuition makes so much sense. Even if my intuition could be scared and confused, it’s still trustworthy. I have realized that letting my intuition guide me has granted me freedom from fear of failure. Even if I’m taking a wrong turn, I trust that it will take me somewhere and I’ve recognized the importance of moving patiently instead of waiting impatiently. I’ve also discovered that your intuition mentors you and shapes you very covertly to feel more confident and fearless in the face of challenges.
Be patient with the darkness – I’ve learned with a lot of trial and error that a difficult phase doesn’t always stay permanently, the cycle changes and we get to experience a time and moment of pure bliss as well. Keeping this is mind, I also felt that being impatient and eagerly waiting for the good times to come, wasn’t a good approach. It didn’t make me feel mindful and it stripped away any chance at even little moments of joy that I always looked forward to. Instead, I accepted that I couldn’t really make time move any faster but I could make the best of what time I had, now. It takes time for this fact to sink in and it often surfaces after we stop fidgeting with our impatience.
Let yourself be scared – I read this somewhere and it was such a liberating feeling to accept that I can feel scared and I felt so silly that I required permission to be okay with feeling scared. I think that’s also something I now know was taught to me, ‘fear isn’t good’, ‘people who are confident don’t have fear’ I grew up listening to phrases like these and it put a lot of pressure on me to pretend that I am fearless. I think we all have misunderstood fear. I think we are ones who categorize fear in good and bad. It’s an emotion like happiness that is trying to tell me something, why should I not feel it fully? So, anytime I felt afraid, I would respectfully say it. It took away so much pressure and I felt better.
Courage is already within you – ‘Courage isn’t the absence of fear’ – I first came across these lyrical and sincere words in the ‘princess diaries’ movie. It was the most ethereal thing I’d ever heard and it struck a chord within me. It made me feel that I wasn’t wrong in feeling scared and it also reminded me that I was courageous too. Those words have always stayed with me and reminded me that even if I’m worried and scared I can still give it a shot and try. Even if I fail and bruise. Being brave isn’t about fear but taking action. Even a small action.
The light will meet you there – lastly, this is totally my belief that you can choose to keep or ignore but I’ve always felt that your path is also looking for you and its not just you. But it only meets you at the right juncture, not before that, and to meet the light there, you have to go through the dark phases and keep the faith and hope alive in you. Learning to trust that you’re not fully lost and taking moments to breathe will take you where you need to go. And the light will meet you there when you’re ready and close. But till then, you have to keep going.
Being calm and balanced can feel wise but it is also initially very frustrating to keep up with. The discomfort of feeling lost and not knowing which way to go and how to get out, can be beyond scary for some, it was for me. The sheer panic of not knowing made me feel as if I was being pulled inside the earth and I couldn’t move, I was frozen. I can understand that panic is not easy to overcome. If you feel you can’t manage on your own, it would be wise to speak to a professional who can help guide you in this moment of confusion and fear.
From all the 6 points that I’ve given you in this article, the first one has always helped me. I often say it as an affirmation to keep myself calm anytime I feel overwhelmed from not knowing. The need to control and pace anxiously instantly goes away and I feel grounded in the present moment. I hope these points help you anytime you feel scared in the unknown or feel impatient and have an overpowering sense to control something.
Thank you for stopping by and if you made it till the end of this article, I’m going to assume you perhaps liked it!? If yes, it would mean a lot to me if you could like the heart or even leave a comment to share if this resonated with you.
Do you have something that helps when you are trying to navigate the unknown and trying to find your way?