You can choose a new route
An essay on Freedom, from my perspective
I’ve been noting that one of the biggest ways I feel trapped is when I’ve started to follow someone else’s life template. I can feel that the choices and decisions I made don’t feel mine and I feel very claustrophobic. I’ve often felt this way in the past and each time I’ve paused to question it, I’ve realized that I needed to ask myself what route I was choosing. And why did I feel like choosing this route? Is this something I would choose or is this me playing copycat?
I’m someone who has always followed her heart and mind. If I feel drawn to something or feel called to something, I’ve never really thought about how it looks to other people or if it is trendy. And it has always made me feel free. I’ve been thinking about freedom recently. Freedom means different things to different people. And lately, I’ve observed that not everyone is fully aware of the ways in which they feel free or experience freedom.
I notice this even in clients when the words they say and the behaviour they exhibit don’t seem to align. And when we explore a bit more it becomes clear that they are looking at someone else’s template and have started to follow that instead of choosing the direction that would feel more in alignment with who they are or ideally wish to be.
In my opinion, this happens when we question our own decision and need validation for that decision. Instead of approving our own decision, we seek approval elsewhere. Especially when the decision we have made is difficult and we have no point of reference.
When I started my business almost 5-ish years ago, I somehow knew I didn’t want to work with clients via single sessions and I wanted a properly structured program. I knew this was necessary for me to be able to help my clients and help them achieve the changes they sought. But I didn’t know of any therapist who offered a program. There was a conventional way of working and not many people had heard of coaching as an offering before. I was terrified of offering a program instead of conventional therapy, but it was something I wanted to try. I went back and forth with my decision many times and I had no point of reference.
But I decided to go with my gut voice and keep at it. I knew it would take me somewhere. I chose a different route and I feel so happy that I did. It was beautifully accepted and appreciated by people and it also encouraged a lot of people in a similar field to try an approach that was out of the box.
I went through a similar experience when I decided to not have an office but to meet clients at a café. Before the pandemic hit and we had no choice but to embrace virtual meetings, I had started virtual sessions already, and that allowed me to work with people all over the country and even abroad. These unconventional routes for therapists were not always encouraged or easily mapped out. It was honestly scary for me, but I was willing to try it out. Fortunately for me, it worked and now I see more and more therapists/coaches choosing their own approach.
I’m not sharing this with you to toot my own horn, but I’m sharing this with you to prove a point. That you can take a different route, and you can try something that you feel called to even if it’s not done before.
The reason most of us fail to go after what we want is that we’re constantly seeking validation. We often feel comfortable following someone else’s template because it’s easy. It’s already done before and all we need to do is follow suit. In my line of work, I speak to a lot of creatives who dream big, they have beautiful desires but often they step away because it’s not done before. They feel terrified of trying something new and regretfully they let go.
I used to be a life skills trainer in schools and colleges and my students loved having me. They enjoyed speaking to me and would often reveal their deepest secret to me as if I was their best friend. I never really understood why, until one time when I did. My approach was different. I wasn’t their typical teacher, but I made myself a part of them. I spoke their language verbally and physically (read: body language) and didn’t operate from a place of seniority but like a peer. They felt safe around me. This approach as a teacher was something that they hadn’t really witnessed before. I also was reminded of a teacher I had when I was in school, and she was so different and cooler than my other teachers. I loved her classes and I realized because I liked her so much, I also came to like the subjects she taught.
I often follow writers and because I write, I read a lot. There are certain writers who speak directly to my soul and some writers who have flawless skills but just can’t penetrate my exterior. It’s the same with poets and movies and videos.
When we choose a route that is easy but not what speaks to us, it tends to show in our work and we start to stumble, hit a wall, feel a wave of stagnation and there’s a feeling of numbness. A lot of creatives feel this way. We have all at some point in our lives chosen a road that is often travelled, cut corners, and made excuses because we’re afraid. We’re afraid of the spotlight and afraid of trying something new. We feel it’s best to play it safe.
But think of it this way, when you come across something that is different and something that touches your soul, doesn’t it make you keep coming back for more? I know I have experienced this so many times in my life. As an observant and as a participant. Each time I’ve chosen a different route, I’ve felt calm and free.
But how does one know if they’re following their own template or following someone else’s template?
That’s a fair question to ask and one I’m asked often. In my experience and opinion, what really helps differentiate is when we reflect on our intentions. It’s an important module in my coaching program and I believe it helps us realign in many ways. Our intentions always bring an element of uniqueness to anything we do. Our intentions are usually combined with our values, our mindset, and our strengths. It’s how we view ourselves and the world around us.
Even if we’re inspired by someone else, what we intend to do with that can make all the difference. As creatives, we do tend to take inspiration from others. But when we can’t find a single element of our individuality in what we do, that’s when we know for sure that we are now using someone else’s path and we need to realign.
I’ve worked with designers, photographers, YouTubers, and content creators and I am constantly amazed at the kind of work that they do.
Even though there are millions of people out there who are photographers, designers, and content creators, why do we then find ourselves going back to the same ones over and over? There is a different route that they’ve chosen, even if in their approach or intention, that is what makes them special.
This is not limited to people who are creatives but just generally in life as well. When we try something different and out of the box, it is really scary but it’s important to give it a shot. The freedom of choosing your own path is beautiful and magical.
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